The Gift Of Fear
It's basically a self-help book that teaches you how to read signals in the behavior of others so you can avoid danger. These signals are called pre-incident indicators, and the author not only helps you recognize these, but also teaches you how to deal with it accordingly and safely.
The author, Gavin de Beck, is a specialist in security and has worked with the very worst sort of criminals and their victims. In the book, you learn to read body language and how to spot certain things which I've listed below. He is one of the leading experts in violent behavior, and his expertise comes through with every word.
I've listed some of the pre-incident indicators below and I wonder how many of you have fallen into some of these traps of manipulation. I know I have.
Here are some examples of the main points the author explains to you:
Forced Teaming: This is when somebody purposely puts themselves in your boat. They may something like "We have a hungry cat to feed" When, in fact, it's you that has the hungry cat. Forced teaming is the beginning of that person edging into your life.
Loan Sharking: Loan sharking is when someone helps without being asked and then expects favors for it. This is one I've fallen into so many times. I personally call this Forced Debt, as this makes you feel like you're 'obligated' to do them a good turn, or more to the point, pay them back.
Unsolicited Promises: These sort of promises mean the exact opposite, such as "I promise I'll leave you alone after this" usually means they won't. Or there's the "I promise I won't hurt you" pretty much means they intend to hurt you.
Typecasting: This is when someone says something akin to "There's such a thing as being too proud, you know" Typecasting usually follows straight after Loan Sharking. They offer to give you help and when you try to decline, they will typecast you. None of us want to be labeled and especially not as proud.
Discounting The Word "No": The person will at first wave off your initial declining of, for example, a drink. The encouragement increases, doesn't it? And how many of us have 'given' and accepted the drink just to end it. Ignoring your saying "No" will yet again lead to you being in debt to the person and you feel obligated to do something for them, whatever it may be.
I'm going to quote two ladies from the forum of Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab. In the thread "What Are you Currently Reading?" I brought up The Gift Of Fear, which attracted the attention of two other ladies, who both had lots to say about it. They say so much in so few words, and I must share with you their point of view.
From Voodoocatwoman on Bpal (Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab forum)
It's basically a self-help book that teaches you how to read signals in the behavior of others so you can avoid danger. These signals are called pre-incident indicators, and the author not only helps you recognize these, but also teaches you how to deal with it accordingly and safely.
The author, Gavin de Beck, is a specialist in security and has worked with the very worst sort of criminals and their victims. In the book, you learn to read body language and how to spot certain things which I've listed below. He is one of the leading experts in violent behavior, and his expertise comes through with every word.
I've listed some of the pre-incident indicators below and I wonder how many of you have fallen into some of these traps of manipulation. I know I have.
Here are some examples of the main points the author explains to you:
Forced Teaming: This is when somebody purposely puts themselves in your boat. They may something like "We have a hungry cat to feed" When, in fact, it's you that has the hungry cat. Forced teaming is the beginning of that person edging into your life.
Loan Sharking: Loan sharking is when someone helps without being asked and then expects favors for it. This is one I've fallen into so many times. I personally call this Forced Debt, as this makes you feel like you're 'obligated' to do them a good turn, or more to the point, pay them back.
Unsolicited Promises: These sort of promises mean the exact opposite, such as "I promise I'll leave you alone after this" usually means they won't. Or there's the "I promise I won't hurt you" pretty much means they intend to hurt you.
Typecasting: This is when someone says something akin to "There's such a thing as being too proud, you know" Typecasting usually follows straight after Loan Sharking. They offer to give you help and when you try to decline, they will typecast you. None of us want to be labeled and especially not as proud.
Discounting The Word "No": The person will at first wave off your initial declining of, for example, a drink. The encouragement increases, doesn't it? And how many of us have 'given' and accepted the drink just to end it. Ignoring your saying "No" will yet again lead to you being in debt to the person and you feel obligated to do something for them, whatever it may be.
I'm going to quote two ladies from the forum of Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab. In the thread "What Are you Currently Reading?" I brought up The Gift Of Fear, which attracted the attention of two other ladies, who both had lots to say about it. They say so much in so few words, and I must share with you their point of view.
From Voodoocatwoman on Bpal (Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab forum)
I read it a long long time ago, so it might be time for a re-read. I always tossed out my 'gut feelings' about things, thinking that I was being paranoid/close minded/unadventurous. I know now that those gut feelings were my subconscious trying desperately to alert me to danger. After being the victim of an armed robbery, I realized how my subconscious had been screaming at me to pay attention to what was going on around me. I never discount those gut feelings now.
From Urbantravels (Also from Black Phoenix forums. I will provide the link at the end of my review.)
Count me in on the Gift of Fear love. I think it's a terrific book. At the time the book came out and he was on Oprah and all that, he got some flak for supposedly bragging about his celebrity clients. I don't personally find the part about celebrity clients in the book to be very interesting but it's only a small part toward the end, which you can easily skip.
The flip side of learning to recognize behavior that might turn out to be threatening is learning how not to be super frightened of everything all the time. He makes the point that you're stronger if you're observant and alert, and that being completely tensed up and seeing threats everywhere gets in the way of being able to discern real dangers.
And there are SO many ways that women are socialized to never give offense and be "nice" to everyone, even total strangers, that predators know very well how to exploit. This book really makes you understand that you don't owe everyone 'niceness' at the expense of your own safety.
I guarantee that after reading even a few chapters of this book, your view of those in your life will change for the better. The thing I love most about this book is the feelings you get. Gavin de Beck is extraordinary in how empowered you feel while gaining this knowledge and it's not only that, but it makes you look at everyone in a very different way.
The major thing Gavin de Beck covers is your image. By that, I mean what your actions look like to others and I don't know about you, but there have been many times I've ignored my intuition because I didn't want to look like a paranoid fool. The author remains consistent throughout the book that your image is not a priority when it comes to your life.
There's so much in this book to talk about and discuss as your recognition of the world around you becomes that much clearer. I love this book, I love Gavin de Beck, and I absolutely love how, just last week, I prevented putting myself in a situation where I was going to be manipulated into loaning money to a family member. The family member in question is infamous for never returning what she borrows.
I give it a full 10/10 and will recommend this book until I'm blue in the face!
As promised, here is the link to the forums of Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab:
Blind with your smile all the rest
Pour your strength against the test
Take the hugs upon your chest
Let the hope bring out your best
Much love, Jude xxx
Pour your strength against the test
Take the hugs upon your chest
Let the hope bring out your best
Much love, Jude xxx
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